Spanking And You: Drive-Time Parenting Advice From the Empire Of Jeff

15 Sep

By now, you’ve probably heard that Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was indicted for causing injury to his child while whipping him with a switch.

Seriously, a switch?  I’m from Louisiana and the only person I ever heard about getting whipped with a switch was Tom Sawyer. Anyhow, you can see from the pictures at the above link that dude DEFINITELY went too far in disciplining his child, and as to his defense of “I was whipped like this when I was a kid…”

Show me the scars on your thighs and scrotum then, you lying asshole.  Because your kid will likely carry his scars for years, if not for life.

Regardless of this dipshit’s idea of the usefulness of “whoopin” his kid when he don’t “ack right,” spanking is one of those issues that you are either fully against, or fully in favor of.  Except for me, because I’m nuanced and shit.

Behold the first ever Empire of Jeff video blog in all its 480p glory:

12 Responses to “Spanking And You: Drive-Time Parenting Advice From the Empire Of Jeff”

  1. fluffy by nature (@fluffyAoSHQ) September 15, 2014 at 1:15 pm #

    How old does one have to be to visit Korean massage parlours in Canadia?

  2. spongeworthy (@spongeworthy2) September 15, 2014 at 1:35 pm #

    The whipping AP put on that tot s/b reserved for a 12-year-old who burned down the chicken coop and beat off to it.

  3. Empire of Jeff September 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    Yeah, the pictures are horrifying, and there’s no context in which the scars on a 4 year old’s back and thighs become okay. Apparently, he struck him so hard that the switch wrapped around the boy’s leg and left a scar on his scrotum.

    I believe “a sack for a sack” would be an appropriate punishment for Peterson.

  4. Paul T September 16, 2014 at 2:22 pm #

    I think the easiest solution is to have Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson have a no-holds-barred PPV match, titled “Pick on Someone Your Own Size”. Loser gets banned for life, winner maybe gets to play again. Maybe.

    In all seriousness, I think you nailed it, Jeff. And I like the video format. Just keep your eyes on the road.

  5. Anonymous September 17, 2014 at 10:01 am #

    After months of no content, we get 4-5 posts in a fucking row?!?! WTF???

    Oh, and were you on the 401 while you shot this? Looks as busy as ever.


  6. Empire of Jeff September 17, 2014 at 10:07 am #

    403 coming down Hamilton mountain. Rest of it was 407 ETR because I’m a fucking PLAYER with money to burn.

  7. EC September 19, 2014 at 8:18 am #

    “Rest of it was 407 ETR because I’m a fucking PLAYER with money to burn.”

    *tosses spare change at EoJ*

    And to answer Fluffy’s question, I think Canada legalized prostitution in some ways a few years back. You are now free to move about the massage table.

  8. kathysaysso September 24, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

    Missing my internet crush over at AoSHQ.

  9. Empire of Jeff September 25, 2014 at 10:04 am #

    Trying to get me in trouble with the wife?! She reads this blog.

  10. tubal September 26, 2014 at 2:51 pm #

    EoJ!!! I’m taking a break fromAoS for a good long while because I’m having a bout of “nuance fatigue” a la the management over there. Always loved your commentary-I’m sorta floating around different blogs right now.

  11. Empire of Jeff September 26, 2014 at 8:18 pm #

    Sometimes you have to walk away. For a little while or for good.

    I like where I am and what I’m doing.

  12. Captain Hate October 6, 2014 at 10:33 am #

    Hey, sorry to just be responding now. EoJ may have been the catalyst for my leaving AoS but it was the culmination of a lot of people being treated like shit: dagny and Miss Marple come to mind but there must have been others too. Life is too short to put up with people being treated unnecessarily like trash. Fuck that shit.

    I post at Just One Minute although I don’t use nearly as much creative profanity as at AoS; that’s the one thing I miss the most. Also I miss the Book Thread because the morons have given me some great recs, particularly about history.

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