No, seriously. How?
Because I am almost out of ideas. I have added staff. I have committed resources. I have promised rewards for those lumpen proles who please my corporate masters. I have brought the sword to those who have stumbled and fallen short of the minimum requirements of their position.
And yet, the downward spiral continues. Just today, I was mentioning to our managers how we used to have this same lack of motivation and piss-poor attitude in the Dallas office, years ago. “Oh, really? Well, how did they turn it around, Jeff?”
I feel like the dickhead in Glengarry Glen Ross. “Third prize is you’re fired. Oh – have I got your attention now?” What really pisses me off is that we have some really good employees who are in danger of losing their jobs because their managers and their co-workers don’t give a fuck if they lose this client and ALL their jobs along with it. Because they’re a bunch of Johnny Punchclock motherfuckers who’ll just bounce from one entry-level job to the next until they figure out how to claim permanent disability from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or Moldovian dick-rot from banging the girl with the thick accent and weird cat-eye eyeliner thing. The Makeup Gun was definitely set to “whore” for that one.
The obvious answer is to replace everyone. The problem is that there is no time. And now the cocksuckers who got themselves into this mess are the ones who I have to motivate to get us out of this mess. More importantly, you fine people are going for days without fresh dick jokes, vulgarity and vitriol. I had a primer about the Game of Thrones novels in mind, but I’ve either been at work, at home logged into work, or drinking away the rage between logging off and falling asleep so I can do it all over again. More later, but I’m so fucking tired right now.