Turns Out, Captain Knee Defender Is Quite The Asshole

3 Sep

To Recline or Not To Recline – that is the question. The Answer is, “Recline if you want to, and tell the pussy behind you to stow his bullshit about his legroom.”

So, this whole “debate” about whether it is ETHICAL to recline your seat on an airplane seems to have been started by one jerkoff, who now realizes that the entire planet has just found out how completely and thoroughly he showed his ass on a recent flight. And he “regrets” the incident. NOTE: this does not constitute being “sorry” or in any way serve as an apology to the woman he wronged, the flight attendant he verbally abused, or the plane full of passengers he severely inconvenienced by causing the plane to be diverted to another city.

This jagoff admits that he used a device called a Knee Defender, which clips to your tray table and prevents the seat in front of you from reclining, like a doorstop keeps a door from opening. While it isn’t a crime to own or use these things, the airlines prohibit them, for the simple reason of BECAUSE WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE USES THIS KIND OF THING?

“I put them in maybe a third of the time. Usually, the person in front tries [to recline] their seat a couple of times, and then they forget about it,” Beach said. The device comes with a courtesy card to tell passengers that you’ve blocked them, but he doesn’t use it.

I’d rather just kind of let them think the seat is broken, rather than start a confrontation,” he said.

A Passive-Aggressive Asshole – that’s what kind.

When the flight attendants came through the cabin to serve beverages, the woman said her seat was broken. That’s when Beach told one of them about the Knee Defender. The flight attendant asked him to remove the device, and Beach said he did.

“As soon as I started to move it, she just full force, blasted the seat back, right on the laptop, almost shattered the screen. My laptop came flying onto my lap,” he said.

Poor baby! So, after admitting in front of this woman that you surreptitiously, but purposefully sabotaged the seat that she paid for, to prevent her from getting more comfortable, you’re surprised that she was annoyed with you?

Beach complained, saying that he couldn’t work like that, but the flight attendant informed him that the woman had the right to recline. Both passengers were sitting in United’s Economy Plus section, which offers four more inches of legroom than the rest of coach.

His reply: “You asked me to let her recline a few inches, and she just took 100 per cent of it.”

You snivelling little bitch. Like her comfort is YOURS to dole out, an inch at a time, and begrudgingly at that. Fuck. You.

However, at this point a mature adult might have used this as an opportunity to take a breath and let it go. Or defuse a tense situation with a joke. Or apologize to the person in front them and offer to buy them a drink. Or you could…

That’s when Beach’s anger boiled over. He said he pushed the woman’s seat forward and put the Knee Defender back in.

OH MOTHERFUCKER NO YOU DID NOT.

This is the moment where the woman who did nothing to provoke his assholish behaviour in the first place, tossed a soda in his face. Good for her. That’s how dames used to publicly punish boorish behaviour – with a drink in the face. Do you have any doubt that he would never have attempted this bullshit, were it a man sitting in front of him?

Don’t forget, this dick caused everyone on the plane, WHO ALL PAID FOR A FLIGHT TO DENVER, to end up in Chicago, meaning they missed their connecting flights, or just didn’t get home. And he’s still whining about the treatment HE got. He’s lucky every passenger on that flight didn’t beat him with their seatbelt buckles as the police marched him off the plane. Instead, he’s whining that he got a laptop full of Sprite, when what he NEEDS is an ass full of foot.

Air travel used to be a big deal when I was a kid. People dressed up to fly. Stewardesses were beautiful young women. And they were still called stewardesses. Those days are over. Let me explain the realities of air travel in 2014 for you: if you’re flying economy on an airline, ANY airline, you’re taking the fucking Sky-Bus. Quit acting like you’re entitled to carve out your own little territory. You bought a cheap ticket, and so you get cheap amenities. You want all kinds of room, all to yourself? Buy a first-class ticket. Charter your own plane – they’ll let you lay down in the aisle, if that’s what you want. I’ve done both, and they’re great, but they cost money. Shell out the cash or shut the fuck up – those are your options.

And no, I don’t want to join your faggy “movement” to take the pledge against reclining, or whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to gin up.

What you do NOT do, is stuff something in my seat to prevent it from reclining, like you’re my daddy and what you say goes. I will get up, come back there, and fucking take them away from you. Attempt to slam my seat forward after I recline, and you’re getting your shit pushed in. The broken nose and shattered teeth should take your mind off the lack of legroom. You’re welcome.

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2 Responses to “Turns Out, Captain Knee Defender Is Quite The Asshole”

  1. luther27 September 3, 2014 at 9:54 pm #

    heheh good one.

  2. Robert September 10, 2014 at 2:19 pm #

    On. The. Mark. Damn I wish stewardesses still dressed like stewardesses! Of course that could increase the need to recline!

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