Outsourcing Our Manliness

14 Jul

You’re all aware by now of the “outrage” ginned up by Congress that the clothing for our US Olympic athletes, designed by Ralph Lauren, will be manufactured in China.  Big fucking deal.  Clothes are made in China.  Lots of things are made in China, because it’s fucking cheaper.  You make clothes here, and now your whiny-assed employees start joining unions and demanding things like $7.25 an hour and piss breaks every other day.  Now you’re paying twice as much for threads that don’t even have to be shipped overseas.  Fuck that.

What I’m hacked off about is what these uniforms LOOK LIKE.

For the first time in my life, I want to beat the shit out of our Olympic athletes.

Seriously, Ralph Lauren – fuck you.  This is the AMERICAN Olympic team, asshole, not the FRENCH Olympic team.  That ascot?  The berets?  The solid blue, white and red flashes on said berets?  That’s the French flag, you fucking imbecile.

Pictured: Ralph Lauren’s idea of “American”

When you wear the French flag, you look like a French fag.  And I bet he saved a lot of material costs by removing the ball pouch from our male athletes’ pants.  The female might have gotten away with this outfit because she’s cute – kind of looks like a stewardess.  But she looks like a French stewardess, so you know her body odor could knock a buzzard off a shitwagon.

Congratulations, Ralph Lauren, you can even fuck up something as simple and pure as a pretty girl.

Forget about the China angle.  It’s stupid.  No one is complaining that America is losing its manufacturing know-how to a country that specializes in exploding cigars, flimsy barbecue tongs, and fake rubber dog vomit.  Clothes are simple to make.  Simple means cheap.  If it can be done cheaper elsewhere, fucking do it elsewhere.

Instead, we should be worried about having our best athletes look like a bunch of mincing sissies as they carry the Stars and Stripes into the opening ceremonies.  God knows Obama has done enough to weaken the brand.  We don’t need this bullshit.

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11 Responses to “Outsourcing Our Manliness”

  1. Darth Chipmunk (@DarthChipmunk) July 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

    When I saw them, the first thing I thought was that they were the new uniforms for stewardesses on Air France.

  2. pepelp2 July 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    Plus, the freakin’ shirt alone costs $475!!!

  3. soulpile July 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    I thought this was a joke. It’s not? They’re really going to wear pansy ass french clothing to the opening ceremony?

    Might as well tell the world that we’ve rolled over and died. Holy crap, those are terrible. Wouldn’t expect anything less from this new appeasement administration. And yes, I blame Obama.

  4. moerawn July 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm #

    Seriously. They look like the uniforms might look at Gay Mime Prep Academy.

  5. Kansas Gman July 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    I bet Mark Ruffalo thinks those dudes look sexy in that queerbait getup.

  6. Blue Hen July 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm #

    We gotta get the dear leader to be photographed wearing the beret. It’ll make Mike Dukakis in the tank look like Guderian.

  7. Pissoir Dubuque July 14, 2012 at 11:37 pm #

    All I know is ALL my pants have ball pouches, so fuck that, I tell you! Fuck that!

  8. Ghost July 14, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

    Is anyone else completely put off and made uncomfortable and slightly violated as I am about seeing a grown man in white pants?

    It’s just… It’s not right. Unless he’s black. Black guys look badass in anything. But seriously, not-black-guys look very unsettling and maybe even a little man-rapey in white pants.

  9. fastfreefall July 16, 2012 at 4:36 am #

    and the sissisifcation continues. My deceased relatives that fought and bled for this country are spinning in their graves…wtf…

  10. Dedicated Tenther (@Dedicated10ther) July 16, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    Oh, Jeez, I missed you while I was on vacation EoJ.

  11. mrmandias July 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    The look here is gay Mussolini goes yachting.

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