Look At This Shameful Bullshit

19 Jun

There’s a reason that professional soccer hasn’t really caught on in America.  Part of it is that it’s a low-scoring game, often ending in ties, a condition usually unsatisfying to American audiences who are conditioned to offensively-weighted battles on the football field, basketball court and baseball diamond.  Part of it is that it is a complex game, full of complex yet subtle intracacies of positioning and defensive maneuvering.

But mostly, because it is a stupid sport championed by the biggest pussies on the planet:  Europeans.

Saturday night, The Empress of Jeff, myself and another couple were winding down after dinner in a local pub, which had the Euro Cup 2012 game between Russia and Greece playing on several televisions.  We were having a good time ignoring it and drinking beer when my friend’s eyes got wide and he said, “Would you Look. At. This. Shit.”

I spun around in my seat to see a Greek soccer player rolling around on the turf, clutching his leg in agony.  Big fucking deal – these soccer pussies are constantly taking dives and screwing their faces up in agony;  you’d swear they had blown an ACL – but then they hop right back up after a few seconds and keep playing, like the little bitches they are.

But this dude wasn’t getting up.  Next thing you know, a stretcher crew is on the way out to get him, and I’m feeling kind of like an asshole.

 

***CLAP CLAP CLAP*** “‘s’alright, buddy! Good hustle out there!”

 

And as soon as his stretcher got to the sidelines, HE HOPPED OFF THAT MOTHERFUCKER AND RAN BACK ONTO THE FIELD.

 

Yeah. It’s a miracle. Fuck you, lameass.

 

Greece goes on to win, partly because they don’t stop the clock in soccer for any reason, so this faking cocksucker eats up 5 minutes of the clock, and nobody does a damn thing.  In what fucking society is this looked upon as okay?

IN EUROPEAN SOCIETY.

No wonder their bullshit economic clusterfucked Eurozone experiment is swirling down the shitter – look who makes up the test subjects!  Weak, craven, devious and shameless.  Why the fuck would we ever pay good money to sit in a stadium and watch 90 minutes of underweight nancy-boys pretend to be injured, while we pretend to be concerned only to pretend to then call it “strategy” when it is revealed, AGAIN, that the “athlete” on the field clutching his leg like Lawrence Taylor just snapped that motherfucker in half is faking it?

Not in my country, you hairy-backed savages.  This is exactly why we had to go over there twice in the last century to unfuck your slapfights.  We don’t need you infecting our brave men with your weakness.

BONUS PUSSY SOCCER FOOTAGE:

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15 Responses to “Look At This Shameful Bullshit”

  1. Warden June 19, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    I couldn’t watch more than 45 seconds of that faggotry.

  2. Kansas Gman June 20, 2012 at 1:39 am #

    Well said.

  3. spongeworthy (@spongeworthy2) June 20, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    Yeah, those guys practically jumped to their knees. You don’t do that withouit years of practice.

  4. museisluse June 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    Pure poetry.

  5. logprof June 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Furthermore, in American football if a player comes out “injured,” he cannot return on that series if a timeout was taken. Why does soccer not do anything similar?

  6. Blue Hen June 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

    Why does soccer not do anything similar?

    Because the only ball anywhere near the field is mottled, shared and abused.

  7. Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

    Whatever. The reason US football rule make players stay out of the game for a series if they have an ‘injury’ is because they used to do the EXACT same thing as this jerk is doing in soccer. That would be the Bengals, during the season they actually made a superbowl appearance.

    Yeah, it was before you were born grandpa, but that’s beside the point. Kind of hypocritical to talk about how devious these pussies are when we had to put a rule in some 20+ years ago to stop padded up football players from taking advantage of it.

  8. logprof June 20, 2012 at 10:44 pm #

    Hey Anonymous Pussy, you’ve made my point: American footbal adjusts far faster to changing conditions than “world Football.” Thank you for your support.

  9. Kansas Gman June 20, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

    “Anonymous” is just mouthing off because you showed his picture in the Happy Father’s Day post.

  10. WK O'Connell (@DTShangers) June 21, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    i always wondered if the root cause for the British hooligans wasn’t because they loved their team but because they were forced to watch the sport in the first place…

  11. Alaskan Warthog June 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    I just think a sport is fucked up when the fans are tougher than the players.

  12. soulpile June 26, 2012 at 2:15 am #

    The stages of disbelief: What the? You have got to be kidding… no, not kidding? What?!

    They must be /so/ /civilized/ to pull off this utter crock of horseshit. Soccer is a crying game, apparently. Disgusting.

  13. ib1netmon June 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    Makes WWF bouts look unscripted.

  14. Anonymous June 23, 2014 at 10:29 pm #

    So insecure that you have to put a World War reference in there. Gotta love Americans.

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