Brace For Impact, You Hippy Filth

8 Jun

Remember that tsunami that hit Japan a year ago, wrecking the Fukushima nuclear reactor and coastal cities, killing thousands and sucking millions of tons of shit out into the ocean?

Well, shit floats. And that shit is about to wash up on the shores of California.

Items ranging in size from a 164-foot shrimping vessel to a soccer ball have already made their way into North American waters following the March 2011 tsunami in Japan.

Environmentalists fear this is just the first wave of an estimated 1.5 million tons of debris that is in the ocean following the tsunami, much of which could land on U.S. shores.

Concrete docks, dead bodies, houses, soccer balls, cars… it’s all coming. The shit storm.

You know what a shit barometer is, Bubbles? It measures the shit pressure in the air. You feel it? Listen, Bubs, hear that? The sound of the whispering winds of shit. You will, my sorry friend. when the shit barometer rises, you’ll feel it too. Your ears will implode from the shit pressure….shit winds are a-comin’.

– Jim Lahey, Sunnyvale Trailer Park Supervisor

Oh, and one more thing, California – how are you going to pay for the cleanup ? You’re BROKE.

Oh, that’s right. I’m going to pick up the tab. As usual.

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5 Responses to “Brace For Impact, You Hippy Filth”

  1. Kansas Gman June 8, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    Ship the Gitmo prisoners out there, and make them pick the shit up with their teeth.

  2. Guaman June 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    Just leave it there and call it modern art, you know, like Piss Christ, a Christo fabric wall, or numerous other aesthetic scams. I propose it be named “Jap Trash.” Fence it off, Charge admission,

  3. empireofjeff June 8, 2012 at 6:45 pm #

    Hey, are you the guy that’s visiting this site from Guam? Because I log a couple of hits from there from time to time.

  4. Blue Hen June 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Asking the burning questions: How in Satan’s name do concrete docks float, much less across the entire Pacifuckinic ocean?

  5. logprof June 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    Keep the TPB references coming, EoJ! 😀

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