Professor Jeff’s Cavalcade of Batshit Crazy

30 May

Remember when we all thought that a naked guy eating a naked hobo’s face off and growling at the police was insane?  Remember yesterday?

Step the fuck off, Naked Face Chewer – YOU JUST GOT SERVED.

Via Gateway Pundit and the National Post,

A video that purportedly shows a suspect wanted in connection with the Ottawa–Montreal body parts case brutally killing and sexually assaulting a naked man appears on a Canadian-operated website.

Police are now studying the gruesome video, which was believed to have been taken by the suspect, identified today by police as Luka Rocco Magnotta.

Magnotta is wanted in connection with the discovery of a man’s torso stuffed in a locked suitcase in Montreal — whose hand and foot were mailed to Ottawa.

A man by the same name as Magnotta — who is featured on a number of lurid websites — is a low-budget gay porn star suspected of appearing in a number of kitten-killing videos.

There is a veritable CORNUCOPIA of insanity packed into four short sentences:

  • Snuff film
  • Dismemberment
  • Mailing body parts to the Conservative Party of Canada
  • Low-budget gay porn star
  • KITTEN KILLING VIDEOS

There’s also been speculation that this dude was romantically involved with schoolgirl serial killer Karla Homolka, so I don’t know how they just assume he’s gay.

Light up the stage and wax a chump like a CANDLE

Oh.

Anyway, it’s almost like it’s too much crazy to experience all at once.  Like, “Don’t eat your crazy all at once or you’re gonna get a bellyache, Luke!”

Holy shit.  And there was some quality crazy out there today, too.  You had this chucklenuts carrying on the family tradition of getting bitten to death by a rattlesnake while preachifyin’ and calling down the Holy Spirit.

A “serpent-handling” West Virginia pastor died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual, just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before.

“And they shall take up serpents an- OH MY GOD IT BIT OH THE FANGS THE FANGS MAKE IT AAAAAAAHHHHH FANGS BURRRRNNNINNNGGG…!”

The good news is, I don’t see a wedding ring on his hand, so there’s a chance that there won’t be three generations of these dumb fucks getting bitten to death by snakes that they are pestering on purpose.

Hat tip to Bob Owens, who has the coolest job on the planet – writing about guns.

 

 

 

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5 Responses to “Professor Jeff’s Cavalcade of Batshit Crazy”

  1. Kansas Gman May 31, 2012 at 2:36 am #

    Gotta get that snake in the same jail cell as the Magnotta dude.

  2. PepeLp May 31, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    What??? Three batshit crazy stories and not one about a woman. Something’s wrong here.

  3. RightWingProf May 31, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

    Gotta be tough being a comedian. They work like hell to make up ridiculous situations, and reality turns around and comes up with something far crazier than they could imagine.

  4. Lurking Canuck June 9, 2012 at 12:55 am #

    “Light up the stage and wax a chump like a CANDLE”

    “Oh”

    Good God, that could just be the whiskey talking but I nearly pissed myself. Fanfuckintastic.

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