Turns Out, Captain Knee Defender Is Quite The Asshole

3 Sep

To Recline or Not To Recline – that is the question. The Answer is, “Recline if you want to, and tell the pussy behind you to stow his bullshit about his legroom.”

So, this whole “debate” about whether it is ETHICAL to recline your seat on an airplane seems to have been started by one jerkoff, who now realizes that the entire planet has just found out how completely and thoroughly he showed his ass on a recent flight. And he “regrets” the incident. NOTE: this does not constitute being “sorry” or in any way serve as an apology to the woman he wronged, the flight attendant he verbally abused, or the plane full of passengers he severely inconvenienced by causing the plane to be diverted to another city.

This jagoff admits that he used a device called a Knee Defender, which clips to your tray table and prevents the seat in front of you from reclining, like a doorstop keeps a door from opening. While it isn’t a crime to own or use these things, the airlines prohibit them, for the simple reason of BECAUSE WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE USES THIS KIND OF THING?

“I put them in maybe a third of the time. Usually, the person in front tries [to recline] their seat a couple of times, and then they forget about it,” Beach said. The device comes with a courtesy card to tell passengers that you’ve blocked them, but he doesn’t use it.

I’d rather just kind of let them think the seat is broken, rather than start a confrontation,” he said.

A Passive-Aggressive Asshole – that’s what kind.

When the flight attendants came through the cabin to serve beverages, the woman said her seat was broken. That’s when Beach told one of them about the Knee Defender. The flight attendant asked him to remove the device, and Beach said he did.

“As soon as I started to move it, she just full force, blasted the seat back, right on the laptop, almost shattered the screen. My laptop came flying onto my lap,” he said.

Poor baby! So, after admitting in front of this woman that you surreptitiously, but purposefully sabotaged the seat that she paid for, to prevent her from getting more comfortable, you’re surprised that she was annoyed with you?

Beach complained, saying that he couldn’t work like that, but the flight attendant informed him that the woman had the right to recline. Both passengers were sitting in United’s Economy Plus section, which offers four more inches of legroom than the rest of coach.

His reply: “You asked me to let her recline a few inches, and she just took 100 per cent of it.”

You snivelling little bitch. Like her comfort is YOURS to dole out, an inch at a time, and begrudgingly at that. Fuck. You.

However, at this point a mature adult might have used this as an opportunity to take a breath and let it go. Or defuse a tense situation with a joke. Or apologize to the person in front them and offer to buy them a drink. Or you could…

That’s when Beach’s anger boiled over. He said he pushed the woman’s seat forward and put the Knee Defender back in.

OH MOTHERFUCKER NO YOU DID NOT.

This is the moment where the woman who did nothing to provoke his assholish behaviour in the first place, tossed a soda in his face. Good for her. That’s how dames used to publicly punish boorish behaviour – with a drink in the face. Do you have any doubt that he would never have attempted this bullshit, were it a man sitting in front of him?

Don’t forget, this dick caused everyone on the plane, WHO ALL PAID FOR A FLIGHT TO DENVER, to end up in Chicago, meaning they missed their connecting flights, or just didn’t get home. And he’s still whining about the treatment HE got. He’s lucky every passenger on that flight didn’t beat him with their seatbelt buckles as the police marched him off the plane. Instead, he’s whining that he got a laptop full of Sprite, when what he NEEDS is an ass full of foot.

Air travel used to be a big deal when I was a kid. People dressed up to fly. Stewardesses were beautiful young women. And they were still called stewardesses. Those days are over. Let me explain the realities of air travel in 2014 for you: if you’re flying economy on an airline, ANY airline, you’re taking the fucking Sky-Bus. Quit acting like you’re entitled to carve out your own little territory. You bought a cheap ticket, and so you get cheap amenities. You want all kinds of room, all to yourself? Buy a first-class ticket. Charter your own plane – they’ll let you lay down in the aisle, if that’s what you want. I’ve done both, and they’re great, but they cost money. Shell out the cash or shut the fuck up – those are your options.

And no, I don’t want to join your faggy “movement” to take the pledge against reclining, or whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to gin up.

What you do NOT do, is stuff something in my seat to prevent it from reclining, like you’re my daddy and what you say goes. I will get up, come back there, and fucking take them away from you. Attempt to slam my seat forward after I recline, and you’re getting your shit pushed in. The broken nose and shattered teeth should take your mind off the lack of legroom. You’re welcome.

I Shall Return

14 Aug

Oh, yes.

OH, YES.

My rules, my content, my abs glistening in the tropical su-

I mean,  stupidity. There will be more.  On Your Home For Dick Jokes – KEOJ.

Pass the word.

Fear the future.

Scared

1 Apr

Dad’s in bypass surgery right now. 

This is one of the moments that doesn’t strike you as being possible until you’ve reached a certain age – when you’ve married, had kids, gotten through the hard part of having toddlers and things are fantastic.  Life is easier,  the family is thriving,  the future’s bright and it really feels like you’re  hitting your
stride.

Now I wish I could just roll the clock back.

http://youtu.be/6YRl54zq_2M

Naked woman arrested trying to visit husband in jail

20 Mar

Is love a crime, now?

Her man had just gotten pinched the day before and this young filly wanted to lift his spirits with a conjugal visit.

So, showing up naked to reassure the prison staff that you’re not carrying any contraband is a criminal act?

We used to call that “helpful”, back when manners were last taught in this country.

If You Gave Superman A GoPro | TechCrunch

18 Mar

I’ve been fooling around with a new GoPro Hero 3+ Silver Edition and so far it is one kick-ass little camera.

Over at TechCrunch is a pretty sweet video of what it would look like If you gave Superman a GoPro camera to wear.

The Feel-Good “Fuck You” Story of the Week

11 Nov

In Texas, a 24-year old white Republican has defeated an incumbent black Democrat in a local race for a seat on the board of the Houston Community College System by using racism – the racism of the voters.

A white Republican unseated a 24-year African-American incumbent from office in a surprise election victory that some are saying was racially tinged and deceptive.

Dave Wilson, who KHOU reports is an “anti-gay activist and former fringe candidate for mayor,” is being criticized by his opposition for his campaign that reportedly lead the overwhelmingly African-American, Democratic district to believe he was black.

Now how the hell are you going to convince black voters that you’re not white?  By relying on their sloth and stupidity, of course.  Like printing fliers with pictures of black folks with the caption, “Please vote for our friend and neighbor Dave Wilson.”  Or by drawing on endorsements from local black political leaders, like state Democratic representative Ron Wilson.

No, wait.  Ron Wilson is Dave’s cousin.

However, the fine print below the slogan states, “Ron Wilson and Dave Wilson are cousins,” a reference to Wilson’s non-politically affiliated cousin who lives in Iowa.

“He’s a nice cousin,” Wilson told KHOU, suppressing a laugh. “We played baseball in high school together. And he’s endorsed me.”

Now, was this sneaky and underhanded?  Yes.

Was it racist?  YES.  Because the only reason this kid won the election is because the overwhelmingly black Democrat voters who elected him thought he was black.  In other words, if they had known he’s white, he would have had no chance, for no other reason than that he’s white.

That’s why I love this story – it’s so fucking simple.  There are no political or economic issues to complicate the underlying truth:  for the vast majority of black voters, black skin is enough to secure your vote.  Reality, your own personal economic situation, foreign affairs… none of that honkey bullshit matters to your average black voter.  Take a look at the approval ratings of black voters from the most visible black man on the planet, Barack Obama:

According to a Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll released on Wednesday, only 78% of blacks now support Obama’s job performance, which is “down from 88 percent in June and 93 percent in April.”

The poll found Obama’s overall approval rating is at 45%, which is a “a 3-point drop from last month” and “one point off from his all-time presidential low that came in Aug. 2011.”

Blacks overwhelmingly supported Obama in 2008 and 2012, propelling him to the White House by giving him over 90% of their votes. Meanwhile, the unemployment rate in black communities rose to 13.7% in June while Obama has championed a comprehensive immigration reform bill that the Congressional Budget Office determined would devastate the wages of working class Americans.

Think about those numbers.  “Only” 78 percent of blacks support Obama.  Even after five years of his administration making things worse for blacks in particular, you can Always Bet On Black.  I bet if I asked 100 percent of Catholics their opinion of Mother Theresa at least 32% of them would say, “FUCK that bitch.”

Pay attention, GOP.  Until the American black community undergoes a major educational, cultural and attitudinal change towards whites in general, you will never secure meaningful amounts of their votes.  The change won’t come from outside, if it comes at all.  You keep preaching personal accountability, education and self reliance not because it will change minds, but because it’s the right thing to do.

Or maybe you could try calling them racists.  Seems to work for them.

 

 

Chicks Who Rock

7 Aug

One of my favorite timewasters is looking up acoustic covers of my favorite songs on YouTube to get some ideas of how other people arrange them and to play along until I get ‘em down. I gotta tell you, some of the best musical talent in the country can be found on YouTube. And sometimes, that talent gets discovered and makes it big. Just look at Justin Bieber – he started off recording videos of himself playing cover songs on street corners for pocket change when a music industry insider came across his YouTube channel.

After one meeting, Justin’s mother allowed a man named “Scooter” to fly her 13 year-old son out of the country and take him to Atlanta, to hang around with thirty-something rappers and hip-hop producers. Next thing you know, Justin Bieber is an international sensation, having gone from cute, talented Canadian kid to a scrawny, tattooed wigger with a lesbian hairdo.

See?  Dreams can come true!  Wait.  What the fu-

See? Dreams can come true! Wait. What the fu-

Sorry.  That’s Miley Cyrus.  This is Justin Bieber:

I mean, I THINK this is Justin Bieber.  Help me out, here.

I don’t want to say, “OK, that’s better” because “better” is not how I FEEL, but I’m just saying now the picture is accurate.  Probably.

 

Anyway, I was looking at the “Suggestions” sidebar and I see this young gal, Kelly Rosenthal, has some guitar videos up of her doing famous classic rock riffs.  Pretty cool – so I look at the other videos she has listed and see that she has formed a trio with a couple of other girls and covered one of my favorite songs – “Gravity” by John Mayer.  Check it out:

Man, that kid can play.  And her friends can sing, too.  Probably what I enjoy the most about these types of videos is seeing how much folks like myself just enjoy playing music and belting it out.  If you have friends you can share music with, it makes it even better.

By now,  you’re probably complaining, “Where are the chicks that ROCK?  The title specifically mentioned chicks who rock.  And John Mayer ain’t rock.”  Fair enough.  I present Meytal Cohen, badass Israeli chick drummer, covering another of my favorites, “Five Minutes Alone” by Pantera:

 

 

She’s trying to crowdsource funding to produce an album, so if you’re interested in pissing away your hard-earned money so she can chase her rock-and-roll dream, you can throw her some bucks.  On second thought, that seemed too cynical and harsh and belittles her talent, ambition and entrepreneurial spirit.  Also, she covers “Cowboys From Hell” while wearing a bustier.  NOW how much are you willing to bid, friend?  Rock n’ Roll lingerie ain’t free, you know.  Ask Lita Ford.

In conclusion, fuck American Idol. It’s always been a half-assed karaoke contest, and anyone with true musical talent gets the fucking hook well before the last rounds. Do your own talent search – you might be pleasantly surprised.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 42 other followers

%d bloggers like this: