I know it’s been a long time since I posted, but I haven’t spent ALL my time fucking off, my friends. Oh, no – I’ve been working tirelessly to bring you an even richer multimedia Empire of Jeff Newsletter experience. And tonight, I am proud to present the first official Empire of Jeff Bourbon-Cast, recorded in Whiskey-phonic 2D sound.
If you want to bookmark my podcast page, you can find it at http://empireofjeff.podomatic.com/
WARNING: NSFW. There is some profanity here. Hi, I’m Jeff. Have we met? Do not play this in front of your kids and come bitching to me later that the wife put you out of the house. Click below and get your listen on.
Don’t worry, from start to finish, it’s only about 4 minutes long. Not trying to bore the tits off you.
Crap, the wife is around. Gotta wait at least until tomorrow to listen. :-/
It’s not sexist or vulgar. Just some f-bombs.
That’s some funny shit, EoJ.
Good on ya.
I really hope you’re right….that we won’t remember who Aiken is in two years.
Rather than his name living forever in infamy…as the guy whose severe case of stupids, fucked up an election year that we should’ve won.
Thanks. I was kinda unsure about the whole thing. I think I write comedy okay, but wasn’t sure if it would translate to audio. The only thing I was sure of is to keep it under 5 minutes. Just like sex: Get in, smack it around, and get out before the police can respond.
Heh.
You did great….you have a really nice voice.
And I was cracking up, all the way through it.
We want video Jeff! Complete with an Ewok sidekick…and a theme song.
Mr EoJ,
that was some good shit. After hearing your voice, are you by chance the same dude that does those backroom casting porn shoots?
It was vulgar, irreverent, and SO unpc. I LOVED it.
Good stuff EoJ. Sounded like there was a cigar present also.
Spot on Jeff, I look foward to the next installment.
Ever think about doing movie reviews?
I was going to respond to some of your points, then remembered this was EOJ. So….what was the intro song? i cannot remember it.
Was that “Natural One” by Folk Implosion?
Sounded like it. Only a more kickass version.
Great initial podcast- you have the mellow, well-enunciated voice of a professional Jack-in-the-Box drive thru monkey.
i kid because I love. Keep up the good work.
The song is “Connected” by Stereo MCs.
Cant get it to play on my kindle **sniff**sniff** oh the humanity.
DOH!! Kindle doesnt suppory adobe flash…damn it all to hell.
Dana, go to the page and click on the “download” link and it will export it as an MP3 if your Kindle can play that format.,
Sent from my Windows Phone ________________________________
Hysterical. Except there was no sexism or vulgarity. I think I’ll pour a couple of fingers of Russell’s Reserve and listen to it again.
EoJ you need to have a suggestion box for the topics offuture Bourbon-casts. Email? Comments section? We can also include the choice of Bourbon for the subject.
You sound exactly like……
Larry the Cable Guy!
Awww…WAY TOO MELLOW! Where’s the OUTRAGE Eleventy1!1!!11!!
Just kidding. I burned out on the outrage a couple days ago. Was just thinking last night…Thank God for work. Yeah, right. But, there it is. Yup. I was GLAD to be stuck at work for 14 hours, so I wouldn’t have to hear the endless yammering about Akin….
Back to the real issues of the campaign. And great job, EOJ. Love your stuff.
@Gman,
I’ve listened to myself and I swear I can’t pick up much of a Southern accent, but the Canadians insist they hear banjos when I talk.
Seriously, is it that obvious?
Well done. And by well done of course I mean, it didn’t suck. The first tug on the bourbon and the ‘ah, fuck yea, that’s good bourbon’ had me riveted and made me a lifelong subscriber. Being a transplanted Texan living in Tennessee, I didn’t pick up on any accent either. You sounded downright suburban!
You. Magnificent. Bastard.
Okay, is there anyway to download this to my ‘puter as an MP3?
Loved it. You have a great voice. No accent that I can hear. But then again I am a big haired Texas gal, so wtf do I know?? Oh yeah, I shoot hobos too.
is there anyway to download this to my ‘puter as an MP3?
Let him put his audio inside you. All four minutes of it. I smoked a Chesterfield afterwards.
This was posted at Ace’s and I figured I would wander on over here and say “excellent job!” Don’t have anything ugly to say, but looking forward to the next one.
Duuude, there’s a BEVERAGE here!
Very Lebowski-ish….I was rolling! ;D
Tree Bark Soup? Great stuff! Thanks for the highlight of my day.
Loved it – very funny! More please….from an insomniac Down Under who reads Ace every night and occasionally comments!
We owe Empire of Jeff a debt of gratitude for alerting the nation to a peril which we must oppose with good government: Register all human femur bones! Weapons like these must not be allowed to infiltrate our streets and across borders into the hands of Mexican drug cartels. Every person who possesses a human femur bone must register their weapon. This is no great burden. So, if you have, say, three femur bones, you merely must fill out, notarize, duplicate, archive, register and deliver the permit forms three times. Do it. For the children.
Outstanding first foray into the sonic sardonic, Empire of Jeff.
Keep the whiskey chilled.
EoJ – Got here through AOSHQ and I am glad I wandered over. Nice way to pop your podcast cherry.
Some very good lines and I loved the tinkling ice cubes. I could not do that particular sound effect as I prefer a good single malt, neat. But I could almost smell the mash. I will come by and sample the irreverance. Adam Corolla beware.
No noticeable accent to me and I am a transplanted Minnesotan to Virginia, via KS, MO, NY, NJ and PA. Although Canadians think everyone oot and aboot have an accent, eh?
“If you can’t say something nice… Say something ugly.”
LMAO! Great stuff. Loved it! Can I put that on my random quote section of my website?
Jeff, I love it !!! I just bookmarked your site and I’ll add it to my daily list.
Seriously funny, Jeff. More please!
Shoulda known you were a bourbon drinker. Great job.
Just got to hear this. Funny shit, yo.
Fucking epic, my friend. I give it two w’yats up, brah. Now go make dem groceries witcha mom an’dem.
How in the hell did someone like you slip past me all these years and I never read a word you’ve written? Well I’ve read down your blog a few months worth and would read more, but I’m already feeling stalkerish and after jerking off to your run in with the union geeks on each installment… I’m just spent. Your Bradley story is hilarious too. Great podcast too. How often do you plan on doing those?
Excellent work, Jeff, and riotously funny.
Funny stuff, more please. At least after this Akins shit is over.
Thanks everyone. Hoping to put out one of these a week, but probably more frequent than that for the next week while the wife is away.
Awesome first episode. Your tree bark soup comment reminded me to pick up more ammo.
Yeah, sorry on the titty-bar bit not being as legible as I hoped. It sounded ok to me, but I knew what they were saying and was wearing headphones. Plus I was drunk and unsupervised.
Unfortunately, I didn’t save it as a project in Audacity and it all mixed down to a single mp3 stereo track, so I can’t go back and lower the volume on the background music.
Thanks for the feedback- I’m learning as I go and am anxious to bring you the highest quality dick jokes that modern technology can offer.
Sent from my Windows Phone ________________________________