It Was His Sacred Duty To Touch That Booty

Yes.  That headline was beneath me.  And yet…  here we are.

Awkward.

…Morris is accused of groping a woman’s buttocks outside a dressing room at a Walmart in North Lauderdale.

[...]

During questioning by law enforcement, Morris copped to grabbing the victim’s rear end and provided an explanation, of sorts, for his behavior, according to a Sheriff’s report.

“Her booty looked so good,” he noted, “I just couldn’t resist touching it.”

Exit question:  Should hating the playa and not the game be classified as a hate crime?  I submit that it should.

Look, the real problem as I see it, is that bitches don’t be knowin’ how to take a compliment these days.  I mean, a fine booty is like a work of art.  Whatchyou ’bout to do?  Start arrestin’ mothafuckas for bein’ in a museum?

That brings up another point, Inner Ebonics Voice Jeff.  There does exist a certain stereotype which frankly, I find sickening.  You know the one.  In fact, though, there are many, many black men who can resist the allure of the booty’s siren song.  Honorable men.  Accomplished men.  Family men.

This is not one of those men.

I know, I know.  It’s easy to take this picture out of context.  It only LOOKS like he’s thinking “Damn, girl!  I wanna pour milk on that ass and make it part of my complete breakfast!”  It was explained perfectly well by his press secretary that he was looking at something… on the step, or something.

Nicolas Sarkozy, on the other hand, was definitely drilling twin eye-holes in that poor kid’s ass.  If there’s one thing this planet will never run out of, it’s Frenchmen.  The drive to reproduce is too strong in them.

Anyway, I apologize, Mr. President.  It was a cheap shot, and completely beneath the dignity of the offi-

JUST SHAKE THAT AAAASSS, BITCH, AND LET ME SEE WHATCHA GOT!!!

Okay, this one’s on you, Barry.   Seriously – you’re the President, dude.  There are always cameras around.  You can’t be a little more discreet?

Damn sure Sarkozy can’t.  I can almost hear him humming you’s a big fine woman, why don’t you back that ass up.  Again, he’s French.  Sexual harrassment is like one of the sacraments to a Frenchman.

I guess the lesson for Mr. Morris is that look all you want, and you can still achieve your dreams.  But once you cross the hand/booty barrier, doors will slam shut.  Barred doors.

The More You Know….

This bootylicious post courtesy of Drudge.